It actually takes a lot of courage for me to write this...
I lost you a long long time ago...i slept with hope of finding you one day..that just never came..i was good, i was bad..doing practically everything just waiting..i became a thief, a liar to the world but only the hope that you will come kept me going strong, till i realized that whatever i am doing is not pleasing you i went from a spoiled child to a good girl..i am still waiting for you to return..what will it take for you to come back to me..what made you go so far far away..?
"I'am a good girl mummy please now come back i need you a lot,i feel very lonely".. as a teenager i kept repeating those words while finding it hard to look at your smiling face with my tear filled eyes...
When i made friends i had no one to tell about them,..when i got a prize i wanted you to see,..whenever i lost i wanted you to be there..
My every achievement was marred by your absence,..as i grew older..i went to new places...saw new faces...if only your face would have been there,..my loneliness would not have became my best friend..i had my worst experience with death when it took away "bua dadi"..seeing the whole ordeal of her being consumed by cancer hurt me like a thorn i realized that there is something worse than death....i was strangely relieved...
I became an adult, i went to college..so much i wanted to ask..so much i wanted to know,..if only you were there to help me just a little bit...a little piece of advice,..a small suggestion..just about anything...
Slowly I became mature,..had my heart broken,..how much i needed you...
everywhere i go i search for a bit of you in everything..it might be nearly 20 years...but i still wait for you...i sleep telling myself..giving myself hope..of finding you one day...
sheeni, had tears in my eyes reading dis, shows how brave u r!!!! takes a lot of courage to write sumthng like dat!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteyou just made me realise,how lucky i am that i have my mum with me.Sometimes in life we take things for granted,but suddenly when someone shatters ours glass doors and everything becomes transparent one wonders why we are that way.
ReplyDeletesame here...
ReplyDelete...................... speechless.... :(
ReplyDeletehey guys thank you for your comments...
ReplyDeleteHope i write again soon.
Its been 5 years since I am away from home and I know the value of a family especially your mom. What you have written is absolutely correct. You do become a good child from a spoiled one in your mom's absence.
ReplyDeleteInspite of all the nostalgia we hardly ever say "I love you mom".
Great job Sheeni
oh my... :|
ReplyDeletesad.... i can relate.. my sis is in 11th standard now and I see how much she interacts with mom.. how they have fun ....sis doesnt talk to any1 else in the family, almost :P so mom is her only comfort i guess...
hope u be strong Sheeni :)
Hi Sheeni…first time on your blog. This is one of those posts which hit the heart of the reader directly.
ReplyDeletei am sure you would find your mom in yourself…after all you are a part of her. I just wish that your search soon ends.
Take care buddy
Garima
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ReplyDelete:(
ReplyDeleteIt's horrible with out a parent whom you know isn't coming back, but to be with the constant hope and hurt? Wow. Please continue to be strong. Be her star.
ReplyDeletei dont know wat to write here i know u so well devyani still i dont know u.....i still remember d copy that u showed me in which u wrote so many things n i think this blog is a part of it.... tak cre n b strong waise that u r as no one can hav that courage to write such a beautiful blog if i was at ur place would b continously cryin whie writin it....
ReplyDelete