Ironies Of the So called Life...

When i was a little girl i asked my mother what will be,.. will i be handsome?  will i be rich? this is what she said....(all in a sing song voice)... Wake up its time for school!!!(in a loud shooting voice)
And as time passed so did the dreams and so did the myriad of questions that always lurked behind the ears died an untimely but a very practical and logical death.
People say dream but they should be reasonable to be made true with time and effort. Have lots of hobbies on the pretext that you will have a monthly 50 grand minimum income. Yes make friends as long as they not make you feel that what you are facing is wrong... or you need to make your own decisions, its your life...these friends are banned!

Its sad when i see that all these years all that i ever did was with a sense of escape. Run away, you  see its very simple,...
I watch a movie i have an escape of around 3 hours,... i am reading a book i have an escape for intermittent periods of time of multiple duration, i was so naive i didn't even realize that even the friends i made were never chosen... i thought i got along everyone but it never mattered to me as long as i could run away from being me.
Not that my life was miserable or anything but i never felt a belonging be it anywhere or anytime or anyone...
my awesome memory is so great it doesn't let many things linger for very long before it becomes thin air.
I make jokes and i must say i make pretty good ones because i have the power of sensing if some one is genuinely laughing or not. 
When i look around myself i see a cage an invisible one that is made a little by others and later carried on by me. My suffocation reminds me of the void i sometimes feel in my heart, but then i have so many logical ways to deal with it,... starting with a disprin or alcohol or smoke,,... anything that will make me numb and forget these silly questions about life and there i go listening to the wise people,... focus on work, dont think too much, dont be so serious about life, be positive, and this particular list is endless.
I seek sympathy which i feel is no longer available. No please dont feel sorry but just say and agree that yes...life has become s**t by our decisions and we cannot do anything to improve it but lets enjoy this life...be happy that we are sad....its better than not feeling anything...you see numb...

So here i go again...feeling like a little girl again... "What will i be".(in a sing song voice)... ???
what will i really be...rather what have already become... my then future,,. my now present.
I guess all will say... "whatever will be will be".(in a sing song voice),... 

Explaining Moi`

About me? What about you? What do you really want to know about me? Could I really fit everything that I’ve learnt about myself in the 26 years I’ve been alive, everything that I feel is relevant in my life into this space with a character limit? I don't think so. There's too much to say but not enough that I could write that would really give you an insight into who I am. I could warn you about some things, but then you’d remember to be careful, and wouldn’t see my wrong side. And that’ll take away all the fun, right? So maybe you should just not worry about it. Anyway, here goes…I’m trying to figure things out.Nothing specific, just things. Definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Does that mean I'm insane? I’m a little (too) crazy.And I love being that way. I've lived in six towns but haven't yet found the place i call home…Although I pretty much LIVE in my head.Yes, I know I’m weird. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve but I am emotional enough. People who’ve seen me cry are special, because it usually takes a lot.(I’m choosing to excuse my erratic behavior during the worst phase of my life from this generalization) I’ve learnt to never regret anything because at one time...it was exactly what I wanted For the most part, I laugh. I laugh too much. Mainly cause it keeps me happy. I laugh at anything and everything- jokes, dumb jokes, lame jokes, random jokes, inside jokes, funny jokes, non-funny jokes, non-jokes. I also speak in sarcasm. You’ll probably find me offending unless you’re a connoisseur of sarcasm yourself. I can never have enough of myself, even though I am too much to handle. You’ll probably find me much better, or much worse, or maybe both at different instants. I’m not your average girl. I like the usual girly stuff. But I’d prefer reading a bike magazine (or better still, being on my way to crashing one!) to shopping. Sigh….If bikes are of the female kind, I’m a lesbian. I’m a bit of a nerd too. I enjoy most things that take brains (although I do tend to get frustrated if the amount of brains required is more than what I’ve got) I’m never scared to speak my mind. I can stand up for myself and what I believe in. Or for you, if you aren’t being stood up for enough. Yes, I’ll also try my hand at stand up, thank you very much. (Oh my god, my jokes get dumber by the second. You can be polite and pretend to laugh, please) I make friends easily enough, but it takes a hell lot to want me to keep one for life. I tend to like stuff easily enough too, but once I’m put off, I’m off it forever. I believe in saying what I feel to people’s faces. Although I will bitch sometimes… The victim will certainly be somebody I dislike intensely, enough to make me not care even out of humanity. You might find me too stupid-on-purpose or intelligent-by-default or emo-when-I’m-sad or hyper-when-I’m-mad, but then, that’s me...